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Diary of a Snow Shoveler
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SongFan
Posted 2010-02-07 11:30 AM (#52838)
Subject: Diary of a Snow Shoveler


Visionary

Posts: 3204
Memphis

December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15: 20 inches of snow fell. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra snow shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska after all.

December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but watch TV with the wife. Guess I should've bought a wood stove. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room!

December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the white stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. The snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 21: The city did my plowing and charged me. I hate it when Bob's right!

December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 inches fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August! Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel, but by that time I was too tired to shovel. I tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think he's lying.

December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What, is she...nuts??? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow that I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the guy who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his hair! I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the snowplow.

December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil! I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's lying. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to scream!

December 26: Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here?

December 27: Temperature dropped to -50 and the pipes froze.

December 28: Warmed up to above -30. Still snowed in.

December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard! How dumb does he think I am?

December 30: Roof caved in. The snowplow driver is suing me for a million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.

December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I strapped to the bed? Why is everyone wearing white coats?

 

This is only funny to those of use who don't have to deal with it!  I don't know how you guys up north do it.

 

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SongFan
Posted 2010-02-07 11:38 AM (#52839 - in reply to #52838)
Subject: RE: Diary of a Snow Shoveler


Visionary

Posts: 3204
Memphis

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, “I’d like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You’ll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can’t go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?”

The first priest says, “I’ve always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains..”

“So be it,” says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.

The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, “Will any of this week ‘count,’ St. Peter?”

“No, I told you the computer’s down. There’s no way we can keep track of what you’re doing.”

“In that case,” says the second priest, “I’ve always wanted to be a stud.”

“So be it,” says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.

A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. “Will you have any trouble locating them?” He asks.

“The first one should be easy,” says St. Peter. “He’s somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles.

But the second one could prove to be more difficult.”

“Why?” asketh the Lord.

“He’s on a snow tire, somewhere in BUFFALO..

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DesertJim
Posted 2010-02-08 9:24 AM (#52891 - in reply to #52838)
Subject: Re: Diary of a Snow Shoveler


Tourer

Posts: 496
Scottsdale AZ
Here is the last entry to the diary of my snow shovel - ----- "Sold it for $8 in Colorado in 1996 just before I moved to Arizona"
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freezeradio
Posted 2010-02-08 11:39 AM (#52896 - in reply to #52838)
Subject: RE: Diary of a Snow Shoveler


Cruiser

Posts: 96
Oswego,, Illinois,USA
I believed all of it till the white siutes .there Is still snow on the ground out here .The sun came out yesterday for the first time in a while. Snow is predicted for the next 2 days. Oswego Illinois,USA
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Mudge
Posted 2010-02-08 11:55 AM (#52897 - in reply to #52896)
Subject: RE: Diary of a Snow Shoveler


Tourer

Posts: 354
20 miles west of Chicago.
Talked to friends in Maryland not too far from D.C. yesterday. 36" outside their windows.



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SongFan
Posted 2010-02-08 12:41 PM (#52900 - in reply to #52838)
Subject: RE: Diary of a Snow Shoveler


Visionary

Posts: 3204
Memphis

This reason I posted this was because my son and his wife live in D.C.   He spent 4 hours digging his wife's car out yesterday only to find out she didn't have to go to work today.  Not a big deal to you die hards up north but these kids are from Memphis and this is a big deal to them.

Photobucket

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ScoreBo
Posted 2010-02-08 2:41 PM (#52903 - in reply to #52838)
Subject: Re: Diary of a Snow Shoveler


Iron Butt

Posts: 1117
Northeast Ohio
Northeast Ohio here, was 'supposed' to get 3"-5" Friday night. Got 14" instead with another 6"-10" tomorrow. I gave up on shoveling and put a plow on a ATV. I am the envy of the neighborhood. I am very jealous of my southern brothers this time of the year.
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donetracey
Posted 2010-02-08 4:18 PM (#52912 - in reply to #52838)
Subject: Re: Diary of a Snow Shoveler


Visionary

Posts: 2118
Pitt Meadows, BC Canada
Canada (west) - 2010 Olympics start Friday - and we are trucking in snow to the local mountain cuz they ain't got any.
No snow this year in the city and surroundings (mountain tops - yes). Has been a good winter for getting out on the Vision.
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Mudge
Posted 2010-02-08 4:25 PM (#52913 - in reply to #52838)
Subject: Re: Diary of a Snow Shoveler


Tourer

Posts: 354
20 miles west of Chicago.
I KNEW you Canadians were sending all this winter weather down to the States. It all a huge plot. I figured out that you have been putting motors in all those wind farm generators and reversing them so they blow all the cold air this way.
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donetracey
Posted 2010-02-08 4:50 PM (#52915 - in reply to #52838)
Subject: Re: Diary of a Snow Shoveler


Visionary

Posts: 2118
Pitt Meadows, BC Canada
Best part is we are sucking all that warm Hawaiian air into Canada's west coast and driving the cold air down the U.S. East coast....
TAKE THAT ! hahahahahahahahahahaha....
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clubford00
Posted 2010-02-08 5:19 PM (#52917 - in reply to #52838)
Subject: Re: Diary of a Snow Shoveler


Tourer

Posts: 301
Buffalo Grove,Ill
Supposed to get 12" more here in the next day and a half. Oh boy.
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etspastimes
Posted 2010-02-08 6:47 PM (#52922 - in reply to #52838)
Subject: Re: Diary of a Snow Shoveler


Tourer

Posts: 388
Salisbury, NC
I'm in Daytona for speedweeks. What are ya'll talking about snow for? ET
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